dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
