did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
