My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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