I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
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