your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Randomize
