Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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