anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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