I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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