The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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