What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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