it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I need to sanitize my soul.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
