Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
