I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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