You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
