Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Randomize
