I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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