Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
