The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
