know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
