Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
