Betty ford says i'm here all night
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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