Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize
