worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
