New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
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