my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
