And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
so that wasnt chicken after all
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
