You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
