Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
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