I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I lost the right to judge tonight
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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