i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
and she was petting her beer can
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
