Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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