Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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