I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
It's just like the Real World with babies
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Randomize
