I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Randomize
