You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Nobody cheats on THIS.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
