The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
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