I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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