The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
