Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I just googled if crying burns calories
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
