I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
