Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
it was like having sex with a tree stump
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
