that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
