i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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