I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
