Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
