I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
