Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
