No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
