they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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