I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
