Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
